Pete, she’s there!

Who?

The woman of

my dreams, the love of my life, the most beautiful woman in the world, my heart’s beat…

OK.  OK.  I get your meaning.  So where is she, this ‘paragon’?

Get you, ah didnae notice you eating any dictionaries in Korea when the rest o’ us were filling up on rice.  She’s ower there.

Where?

Ower there!

Where?  The redhead?  The busty blonde?

No, dinnae be daft.  Her, over there.  Getting her photie took by thon newspaper man.

Where?  Bloody hell, man, have you lost yer marbles completely?

Naw, why?

Yer kiddin’ me, eh?  Yer no’ meaning the Colour Sergeant’s wife, are ye?

Colour Sergeant?  …Eh, aye… She’s gorgeous isn’t she?

Will ye haud yer wheist, Andy?  If anyone hears ye, ye’ll be fur it.

But she is!

Whit?

Gorgeous!!!

ANDY!  You are aff yer trolley!

No, I am not.  And she feels it too.  So there!

Feels whit?

Love!!

Are you trying tae make me sick?  She’s standing doon there wi’ her man and her two weans, for God’s sake.

Aye, but when we were last at the Castle, we had a ‘moment’.

A whit?

A moment of pure love!

Andy, ye need tae see a medic.  Thon fighting has really got tae ye efter a’.

No, ah’m fine.  No like you ye pure beggar.

Andy!

Sorry, Pete, mate.  I’ll no’ mention yer burns again.  But ye see, it wis like this.  We met on the stairs in the married quarters one day and she TOUCHED MY HAND.  Ah’m in love!

Andy, exactly what was she daen’ when she touched yer hand?

Ehm, well, she tripped on the stairs and reached out and …ah caught her.  The look she gave me wis pure love.

Andy, man, we a’ ken yer woman daft … but the look she gave you was pure gratitude, ye eedyit!

Ah!

Aye, ah!  And by the way, I’ve just seen my sisters ower there waiting for us on the quayside.  One hand on ony o’ them and I’ll hae yer guts for garters!

Carol Lightbody, 2009